How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
