judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
