So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
