last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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