you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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