I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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