i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
