I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
