Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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