I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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