Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
