Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
