my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
