She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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