Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
