He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
