really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
