Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
