I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
