Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
