I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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