how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
