Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
you are never too drunk for berry picking
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
