I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
