EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
