Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
