i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
