wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
