i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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