Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
