In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
