I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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