I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
