And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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