Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
