I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
