you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
