Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
