it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I love you.
Bad choice
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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