I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
