oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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