he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
