she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
