i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
