You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
