If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am midnight drunk by noon
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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