i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
