Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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