I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
