My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
