when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just googled if crying burns calories
ttyl tear gas
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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