wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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