So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
