Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
