update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
