I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
