your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
