we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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