i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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